Things have been good this week. My baby boy welcomed me from London with a shy smile and swinging legs. You’d have thought he was nervous or something! I eased myself into his space because last time I left him with his grandparents, he wouldn’t come anywhere near me for a few hours. It was heartbreaking but expected behavior. Apparently, kids make it personal when you go missing. So within minutes, my little dude was pushing his toy truck around the kitchen with me and making sure I didn’t leave his side. Even for a second. I don’t mind. Do you have any idea how much I missed those mischievous smiles? Starry brownies were the cherry on the top.
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let’s play
The question always lingers as they watch Georgie: So ready for another one? I’ve caught myself giving various answers to this dubious question. There’s ‘someday’, ‘in two years’ and then there’s ‘never.’ Needless to say, the latter is met with a sad look and the inevitable ‘why?’ I instantly regret being so honest. But it is true. A lot of the timeI am happy with just the three of us. I just don’t see another baby fitting into this picture. I can’t say I particularly miss those first few months, the non-stop breastfeeding, sleepless nights and the overall haze. Georgie was a restless baby, catching me completely off-guard even though I had cared for my sister’s children. It scared me, to be honest. I didn’t expect it to be so hard. Everyday, I would grieve the loss of my independence. I can’t say I was depressed but then again, many new mummies are but just don’t know what the hell is going on.
There are moments when I look at Georgie and fight back the tears. I think the intensity of my feelings for this little human being has literally made it impossible for me to contain myself. It is out of my hands. I am so immensely proud of him. And myself for becoming a better person. Everyday, every action I take is geared towards bringing out the best in both of us. Whatever that may be. A walk in the park, a nice gesture. I try. I pull myself up and I feel focused. He has given me strength this one. Thank you, my darling.
I always wonder what other kids find interesting and if tractors are every toddler’s idea of happiness. It amazes me how much Georgie is taking in from the way we are interacting comfortably more and more each day. I love watching him focusing on something, concentrating and humming as he builds his tower of baked bean cans. He loves emptying out the fridge alphabet magnet jar and is a bit obsessed with that canon toy thing they give you with every Happy Meal (yes, he has had a Happy Meal. Actually, quite a few. He can even hold a hamburger properly and loves ketchup with it. But this is a rare situation. I will admit.)
On Friday afternoon my mum and I were taking our usual post-lunch walk through Ikea in search for an 8 euro clothes rail. Georgie, as usual again, was standing in the shopping cart watching the world go by. Five minutes later i heard a thump- a noise I will NEVER forget. A noise so disturbing every time I think of it I feel sick. He had fallen on his head and in a matter of seconds his eye was swollen shut.