Who else is jumping for joy at the thought of a routine and a new school year? Let me tell you who isn’t. Georgie, my seven year old who declared over a month ago that he does not want to go to school. Of course I completely understand what he means and why he doesn’t want to go so I’ve been reading up on separation anxiety and how I can help him deal with all the emotions that come with this change in his life.
One of the articles I found to be super helpful was this one posted on Mother Mag. It offers a good range of tips to focus, written with both you -the parent- and the child in mind.
Some of the basics include avoiding a rushed morning. This is both important for you and your child. Try to prep the night before as much as possible so you have very little to do in the morning.
A rushed child is more prone to feeling anxious.
Michele Kambolis, Clinical Therapist and Mental Health Specialist and author of Generation Stressed: Play-Based Tools to Help Your Children Overcome Anxiety.
Next is making sure our children are well-rested. Makes sense, right? I mean, think of how YOU feel if you haven’t had enough sleep and you are expected to perform the next day. So get them back into a form of routine with an early bedtime.
Emotion regulation is one of the first things to go if they are short on sleep.
Talk. We need to provide a comfortable and safe place for our children to be able to talk with us. And what I especially liked about this article was the emphasis Kambolis put on not overriding their fear. So important. Don’t dismiss their fear and stress. Talk about it and use your ability to help them problem solve.
We want to make room for our child to metabolise their feelings through us, through our presence.
So give them time. Go for a walk or sit down and create something with them and talk about what they’re feeling.
Deep breathing and mindfulness. This is something I wholeheartedly agree with. Deep breathing always helps me whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed and stressed out. I’ve decided to return to my yoga classes after September when Danny has settled into a routine- which we’re working on right now. I have also enrolled Georgie. Once a week a little bit of yoga will help him calm himself and learn how to deal with anxiety.
Get rid of negative thoughts. This one hit home for me. I love how Kambolis explains the ‘thinking mind’.
“One thing I do with children that are experiencing anxiety, specifically separation anxiety, is look at the ‘thinking mind’ and asking,’what are you saying to yourself about this?’ And often what children are saying to themselves is, ‘I can’t do it’, ‘I’m dumb’, or ‘I hate it there.’ It’s often a negative I-statement that they have internalized. If we can get children talking about what they’re saying in their thinking mind, it gives us a way to help them to challenge those negative and irrational thoughts and beliefs. When children learn what they think has a direct effect on what they feel, that is a really empowering concept. Try and help your child identify what they are saying to themselves. The next step is to ask them what they would like to say to themselves differently. What can we change in order to make you feel better or more empowered or supported? That thought switching is something that can lead to a complete shift in their emotional reality. One of the ways we can help kids externalize their negative thinking or mindset is to have them blow their thoughts into a balloon. The thought leaves their minds and enters the balloon. They hold the balloon up and then they let it go and it flies all around. The symbol and the kinetic experience of letting that negative thought go creates a physical and emotional release.”
Doesn’t that last part make so much sense? Georgie starts school on Thursday so I’ve been in a bit of an anxious state myself. But I’m trying to tackle it and focus on doing my best to help Georgie on the day. I keep telling him that I am going to do everything in my power to help him manage the feelings that surface that day. Wish us luck xxx
To read more useful tips on dealing with separation anxiety check out the original post on Mother Mag.
Last September I published a post on another way you can deal with separation anxiety.
Planning on an after-school schedule? Check out my post on how to do it.
