During the first few days at the clinic I experienced serious pangs of jealousy. That’s a strange thing to hear coming from a woman who has just had a baby, isn’t it? Well, not when she’s just had her third baby and is surrounded by first-time mothers.
As I relaxed in an armchair with Danny sound asleep in my arms, I listened to conversations the midwives were having with women who had just had their first baby. The never-ending questions, the uncertainty in their voices, the need for any advice. I remembered how afraid I felt too, shortly after having Georgie seven years ago. How I would call our paediatrician at 11 o’clock at night, frantic that I couldn’t help my baby settle. How I was too afraid to bathe him. How I thought I would pull his head off everytime I changed his clothes. How I couldn’t get anything else done because I had this little person to look after.
Now, here I was, a mother of three, thinking of how much precious time I wasted back then. Worrying, stressing over details and feeling depressed over the loss of my independence. I hadn’t realised that this massive change I was experiencing was merely a fleeting moment in my story of motherhood. And how soon it would pass.
Now I had two other little souls to care for too and it made me a bit sad that I couldn’t be a first-time mum ever again. Now I was being quizzed by all those new mamas on all things baby-related while I breastfed my three-day old son, pumped milk and texted my mother-in-law about James’ breakfast preferences. I was seen as some form of wonder woman! And while that can be an amazing self-confidence booster – and God knows I could do with a little of that- I felt it was my obligation to tell them they too can do it. And they will.
Yes, having a baby for the first time can be one of the scariest life moments we go through. But don’t let that fear ruin this absolutely gorgeous experience you will only get to live once.
To every first-time mum, who asked me for advice on breastfeeding, changing nappies, bathing, car rides and eager relatives, I said:
If your baby has been crying all day just hold her.
If your baby wants your boob all the time just give it to her.
If you haven’t had a shower in three days, that’s ok.
Just be there for your baby. That’s your job right now. That is where you are needed. For the first time in your life nothing else matters. Literally.
It can be so hard for women like you and me, who are wearing so many hats and juggling so many balls, to switch off and just be…And yet that is exactly what we should be doing especially immediately after pushing a baby out of our vaginas for the first time and tending to its every need.
So mamas-to-be and mamas who have now taken on the role of mothers, put on your comfiest loungewear, grab a nice hot cup of tea, a snack and the remote control or a book you have wanted to read and snuggle up with your baby….and fuck the rest. This is where you are meant to be.
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