A couple of months ago I was contacted by a reader who wanted to know if I was interested in writing something about bed rest. She would tell her story, a first-hand account of what bed rest means and how to survive it.
To be honest, hearing the words ‘bed rest’ didn’t seem so scary. In fact, when I first looked into it I found that it is generally considered quite common and it’s used as a way to say that a doctor has given the order to limit activities and take it easy. That could mean anything though. From simply putting your feet up for a couple of hours everyday to a hospital stay. Cervical changes, multiple babies, preterm labour, preeclampsia are all causes for bed rest.
You may know a woman or two who have experienced strict bed rest. If you do then you know that it can be a draining and mentally-exhausting experience. After all you are literally bed ridden. You can forget about shopping, coffee and/or dinner with friends, a walk in the park, a trip to the beach, cooking.
Having to change as a person was the most difficult part of bed rest for this mama-to-be.
What is Bed Rest exactly? For example, is it something you literally have to do all day?
There are few different types of bed rest: Part, moderate and strict. I am not very familiar with all the types of bed rest, but mine seems to be moderate to strict bed rest. Like many couples, my husband and I wanted to become pregnant on the first try, we faced some difficulties. We ran through the whole procedure of changing doctors, protocol tests for both of us, ovulating pills and finally a round of hormonal therapy. We were fortunate to get pregnant the first time (after 2 years or more trying) with some assistance. Last year, my pregnancy resulted in a preterm labor for my twin boys at 23 weeks, and unfortunately they did not survive. For this reason, when we fell pregnant, 6 months later (without any help…. crazy isn’t it?) my doctor suggested a cerclage procedure (cervical stitch) at 14 weeks, that helps prevent another preterm labor. After the procedure, and an overnight stay in the clinic, I was able to come home (it’s always better to be in the comfort of your own home). The first 3 weeks I was only able to carefully move from bed, to couch, to dinner table only when necessary. With some assistance for transitioning, I was able to shower (quickly and carefully) and use the toilet independently. The purpose of bed rest in my case is to keep pressure off the pelvic area and to prevent any opening of the stitch resulting in infection, loss of amniotic fluids and/or preterm labor. Emotionally, I was so scared to sneeze or cough, avoiding any unnecessary movement and laying statue-like, to make sure the stitch stayed in place.
How has it affected your life? Your family’s life?
I am an active person. Leaving the house from 6:30 am and usually return at 6:00-7:00 pm, actively working as an elementary school teacher, going to the gym, socializing, attending events and gatherings. Weekends are always super busy…. And if not, my husband and I make it busy. We are hardly ever home. I knew that bedrest would change my life. It is emotionally and physically challenging to stay home, stay still and stay patient. The smallest hair on the floor was out of my reach. Household cleaning out of my control. And let’s not forget that your hormones are out of control (even though you think you are “totally fine”). It is an adjustment for sure. My family, my husband and my friends …. What can I say. Totally supportive. But the issue was me! I’m the type of person who is always running around trying to take care of the ones I love. I’ve always had a positive outlook on life and usually in control of my routine and the way I live my life. I lost all of it. Now, I can’t help my husband who is running like a chicken without a head to prepare food and meals for me, go to work and try to keep a sane life. I can’t seem to be positive about the bed rest (even though I pray everyday that my baby is ok and I make it through to the end). I also lost control of my life and routine. So then I was feeling guilty that I was being such a Debbie downer inside, with a smile on my face that I tried to show everyone that I was “ok”. But I am an expressive person, my eyes and voice say it all. They saw right through me and gave me my time to deal with it all. The first three weeks were quite challenging. It gets better as soon as you have a routine.
What is the most challenging part of bed rest?
I would have to say that the most challenging part of bed rest was not being able to be me. I had to change. My expectations and priorities had to change. It is the most important aspect of being pregnant and trying to embrace it, but you need to give yourself time to change. Absorb everything that is going on around you: family trying to help, friends showing their support, people you never thought would be there for you pop up out of nowhere to show you they care. Be ready to accept it. I read blogs and websites that warned me about “accepting the help” but the hardest part was more like me trying to let go of everything I really enjoyed doing: working, cooking, staying active and helping others.
How have you made this time in bed more enjoyable?
Staying home on bedrest gave me some appreciation for other things in life that I had lost time for. Catching up on chats with friends near and far, focused discussions with family, reading books for pleasure, and making lists (and watching others complete them for you) have helped me pass the time productively. Let’s not forget quality time with my pup, who is extremely attached to my belly! My relationships overall have become stronger. My husband and I have been through a lot over the years and this just made us stronger. I am lucky that he cooks very well so I give him ideas for dinners. Sometimes I delegate the instructions and he follows (with his own twist of course). I make shopping lists, and he goes shopping. I make necessary appointments and phone calls for banks, doctors and other items to be completed around the house (that usually never got done).
What are the absolute necessities to surviving bed rest?
The very first necessity is one that no one, not even yourself at times, can offer: PATIENCE. I read and read, and searched and tried to prepare because I knew bedrest was coming. But aside from waiting for everything to fall in place (hormones, routines and time) here are some important necessities for bedrest:
1. Water bottle: I found that staying hydrated prevents a lot of aches and pains.
2. Small table: close to you for easy access for items used. My sweet sister in law bought me an ikea pillow-table to use when I can sit up more often.
3. Books and magazines: catch up on your favorite books, ask friends to pass on old magazines (even the daily supermarket leaflets helped the time pass). Knitting is a good option for those with creative skills (I failed 2 attempts but will try again)
4. iPad/phone/chargers: you can do some online shopping (can get dangerous ☺️), chats with friends, web searching, blogs and other mommy to be sites.
5. Pregnancy pillow: My savior! Hugged like a husband, you can spoon it and manipulate it to your comfort (bed rest can cause some aching joints and sore back pain)
6. Prepared snacks: Lucky enough my husband, mom and mother in law took very good care of my meals. However, some ready made and nonperishable snacks like nuts, fruits, granola bars, dried fruits, veggies can be a life saver if you are stuck on the couch/bed.
7. Body lotions/butter/oils: After your daily shower, spend a good 30 minutes lathering yourself up. Not really sure if all those creams help but it does make the time go by and you smell great and feel smooth.
8. Watching Ellen Degeneres: To keep me positive and laughing, Ellen was the trick. It puts a different perspective on life. It feels good to watch others be happy and give. She ends every show “be kind to one another”.
9. Good support system: A huge amount of your reduced stress levels are provided to you by your support system. Whoever that may be (some deal with this situation in different ways) make sure you can rely on some important people to help you get through this. This doesn’t mean only your husband, your friends are here for a reason, a season and a lifetime. Pick and choose how they can help you.
10. Get out of your pjs! This one was hard. At first, I wanted to sulk in bed, but soon enough I found that waking up around the same time, taking a shower, rubbing the lotions, getting dressed, eating breakfast, taking your daily vitamins/meds, lunch, snacks, naps, tv shows, reading time, dinner, visitors…. It all makes the time pass!
A few final thoughts and what you would like other women going through this experience to know.
I am grateful. I have found my own peace and understanding for the things I can change and control, and I am settled with the things that are out of my power. When I first began bedrest, I knew that the difficult part would pass, and it would take time and patience to hold a precious baby in my arms. But I wanted to offer some women who will have to face bedrest, a breath of fresh air, with some important things necessary to get to the happy moments for her and the baby. I know most women look back and think “you’ll get through it, and once you have a baby in your hands, you won’t think about it.” I also know the difficulties of trying to get pregnant, the loss of your own and the struggles before, during and after birth. But I don’t know everything about birth, pregnancy and motherhood. I am always thinking how there are other women that have it worse and my problems are not so severe. But in the moment, I want to pay my experience forward and hopefully help other mothers in the beginning stages of bed rest. I am now 23 weeks pregnant (9 weeks on strict to moderate bedrest already) and this was my experience. Bed rest will probably continue until week 37. I still have a while to enjoy it. I just want to be present in my experience, and make it a positive one.
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Feature image taken from The Mountain Laurel.
