Through a ring of chaos and stress this past week, this face has managed to keep me smiling, singing and steaming with determination. Anyone who has a happy toddler in their lives, knows what I am talking about. I could’ve easily chosen to spend my evenings in front of the telly, avoid blogging and order take out because that is exactly what I felt like doing. Instead I made lasagna for the first time and finally managed to pull together a little video, which is something I have wanted to do for a very long time. It’s not just about keeping busy and avoiding ill thoughts. It’s about doing something I am proud of and besides this face, I am proud of so much more. Even a plate of lasagna.
baby
[vimeo clip_id= http://www.vimeo.com/57091005 w=500&h=281] Since my mum is away, I’ve taken on a double duty watching my sister’s little one, Achilleas, while she’s at work. Just 23 days older than Georgie and with a mighty temper, I woke up at 6.30 on Monday morning to welcome A expecting the worse. But bloody hell, how wrong was I! Give them paints and you can bake a big batch of chocolate chip cookies with minimal intervention as well as check your e-mails. I loved spending time with them, watching them interact, becoming mini men.
So the day has come and gone but those few hours spent just the three of us on Christmas morning were how I imagined them to be. Warm, funny and sweet. We met up with the entire family later on that day and got to try out Georgie’s new tractor! To be exact, I got to try it out! More funny to come tomorrow. Hope you’re feeling the love!
The question always lingers as they watch Georgie: So ready for another one? I’ve caught myself giving various answers to this dubious question. There’s ‘someday’, ‘in two years’ and then there’s ‘never.’ Needless to say, the latter is met with a sad look and the inevitable ‘why?’ I instantly regret being so honest. But it is true. A lot of the timeI am happy with just the three of us. I just don’t see another baby fitting into this picture. I can’t say I particularly miss those first few months, the non-stop breastfeeding, sleepless nights and the overall haze. Georgie was a restless baby, catching me completely off-guard even though I had cared for my sister’s children. It scared me, to be honest. I didn’t expect it to be so hard. Everyday, I would grieve the loss of my independence. I can’t say I was depressed but then again, many new mummies are but just don’t know what the hell is going on.
There are moments when I look at Georgie and fight back the tears. I think the intensity of my feelings for this little human being has literally made it impossible for me to contain myself. It is out of my hands. I am so immensely proud of him. And myself for becoming a better person. Everyday, every action I take is geared towards bringing out the best in both of us. Whatever that may be. A walk in the park, a nice gesture. I try. I pull myself up and I feel focused. He has given me strength this one. Thank you, my darling.