Originally, this was meant to be a general post on sleep issues. But I scrapped that idea. It seemed silly because there is no way that everything sleep-related can be jammed into one post. Instead I will focus on a very simple question I am often asked: What do I do when my child refuses to sleep? The never-ending battles and arguments are emotionally-draining and exhausting. But honestly, they needn’t be. It will take time and effort on your part but in the end please know that you are making a huge investment because once you make a point of teaching your child how to sleep, it sticks for life.
Kids go through changes and phases all the time and many of these hiccups will disrupt plenty in your child’s life, especially sleep. However, I have found that these main ground rules will stick no matter what and have helped me teach my child how to get a good night’s rest. For your information, Georgie, 4, no longer naps in the afternoon but he goes to bed at 6.30 and wakes up 12 hours later.
1. Stick to your guns: Once you lay down the rules, stick to them. This actually applies to everything that involves our kids, right? But when it comes to sleep pay particular attention to this: If you do not want your child sleeping in your bed, do not allow it. Ever. Any parent will tell you that one time is all it takes. If for whatever reason you bring your child to your bed one night, you will have a hard time explaining to your child why he or she is not allowed to sleep with you tomorrow and the day after. Besides that is exactly what baby monitors are for. Explain this to your child and be prepared to go back and forth many times before it finally sinks in that he will not be joining you in bed but you are not far therefore they are not alone.
2. Do not force him or her to sleep: If your child says he does not feel sleepy, that is OK. Whenever Georgie uses that line with me, I make sure that he understands it is perfectly fine if he does not go to sleep right away but certain things are allowed and others are not. He may not play with his toys or leave his bed (unless he needs the toilet). Playing with dinosaurs and cars will not help him relax and unwind and he needs to understand that this is a relaxing and restful time. Instead I encourage him to ‘read’. He may gather several favourite books in bed and flip through them. In the case of younger children, again repeat that they must stay in bed and not make too much noise. After a while the inevitable happens and your child is closer to learning how to sleep on his or her own.
3. Do not get sucked into a discussion: It makes me laugh thinking about all those times Georgie would come up with anything and everything to discuss right before his head hit the pillow. Sound familiar? I’ve found a solution to this: After he’s taken his bath and we’ve read a book or two, we have a little discussion about his day, his friends and anything else he has on his mind. He rarely insists on more after that and even when he does, I firmly explain that time is up and we can talk about it tomorrow.
4. Crying does not hurt: Georgie was sleep-trained at nine months. This ‘training’ included the highly controversial method of CIO- Cry It Out. After researching and trying a multitude of methods, with the help of an amazing pediatrician and tons of patience, we decided this was the way for us. Understandably, it may not be for everyone but as long as your child is at the right age (not an infant, not still feeding during the night and happy and healthy) and is ready to learn how to sleep, this is a method you should look into. Please keep in mind that you do not just close the door and allow your child to cry until he or she is blue in the face; the point of this method is that your child understands that you will not be picking him up, taking him into your bedroom or living room or singing or rocking. This is to ensure that they begin to understand bedtime and therefore do not fight it. This is to ensure that your child can and will fall asleep without any props and most importantly without you. Go into your child’s bedroom, reassure him that you are here and everything is alright and then leave. Do it over and over again until they get the idea. This will also work with older kids. Be firm, praise them the next morning and do the same again the next night.
5. Routine, routine, routine: I’ve written about the importance of routine before where behaviour is concerned. The same applies for bedtime. It may sound boring but since Georgie was six months old he has had the same routine with very few changes, according to his age: Playtime, bath time, story or song time and bedtime. Not once has he disagreed or made a fuss because he knows what to expect. In fact he knows of no other way. Even when he’s staying with his grandparents for the night, everything remains the same. There’s plenty of fun to be had between the moment we start and the moment he hits the pillow and we always make the most of it, so he is not left feeling something is missing.
Please keep in mind that there are no set rules to parenting. Everyone does it differently; there are parents who enjoy sleeping with their kids and others who do not, parents who find it easy to stick to a schedule and others who cannot for whatever reason. The above tips are merely guidelines and advice that I, as a mother, have found to be tremendously helpful.
