Speaking to our children about big issues is not the easiest thing in the world. We sometimes think we’re doing our kids a favour by not telling them that their grandparents or father is unwell, but if our children are old enough, they will pick up on how we feel. Your child needs honest and simple answers. But learning how to talk to your children about unwell family members is not always straightforward. Here’s how how you can do it.
Think About What to Say and How to Phrase It
If one of your parents is going into private care, consider the words you will use and practice them aloud. It’s not about sugar-coating it, but about using age-appropriate terms. If your parents need to go into care because they are getting older, you may want to point out some physical symptoms, such as moving slower or using a wheelchair. It’s also worth using examples that your children are aware of. For example, if there is an older person in one of their TV shows, you can use this as an example to help them understand it better.
Offer Realistic Support
As tempting as it is to say that “everything will be fine,” it’s not a good idea to say this unless you really know. If one of your parents is unwell, you can say that “they have doctors and people looking after them, and we hope they get better, but we don’t know if they will.” This will be an open and honest admission, and if your children have questions about it, try not to shut them down. At the same time, if they don’t have any questions right away, maybe they will in the future. You should expect to have one conversation. You may have to explain the situation more than once, because they may think their grandparents should be better by now because your child has been sick before and was only sick for a week. But try not to give more information than what your child asks for. If they ask about something like treatment, be as simple as possible.
Prepare to Discuss Death
If treatment is not going well, you may want to discuss what could happen, but if the treatment is not going well, you could say that “doctors are doing everything they can to help, but it’s not working,” and you should express your concerns. You should focus on what is being done rather than on trying to make the situation better. It is recommended to avoid confusing terms, such as passing away, but be direct and use words such as pain and dying. Many parents would disagree with this. However, it is about being age-appropriate. At the age of 8, you have to remember that your child will have already encountered, not least heard about death.
In addition, you can research the topic. There are many resources out there that can help in this instance. What’s more, it can be hard because it’s not something that you would have considered in preparing for motherhood but try your best to stay age-appropriate.
This is a contributed post.
